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On Becoming BabyWISE? Our Ezzo Story
04/27/05
On Becoming BabyWISE? Our Ezzo Story
It may seem strange that I haven’t told our Babywise story yet. Especially since I was interviewed on TV regarding the book and our negative experience.
This story is a hard one for me to write. We have friends who have used the book and I don’t want to hurt the feelings of anyone we love. And there is my pride, too.
A common argument of a pro-Babywise, pro-Ezzo supporter is:
“This book worked great for us! Anyone who has a problem with it didn’t read it correctly/didn’t follow it closely enough/followed it too closely.
Of course, statements like these imply that negative experiences happen only to the naïve or stupid. How could I have been so blind? I have struggled with that for a while now.
Before our son was born, my husband and I researched many aspects of childbirth and childcare. We were proud of how hard we worked to gather information in order to make sound, educated decisions.
We discussed vaccinations, circumcision, natural childbirth, co-sleeping, breastfeeding, and much, much more. We felt well-informed and secure in our research and the decision-making we had done.
Fears and Doubts
Like most parents-to-be, we were anxious about how this new little person would change our lives. We worried about our schedules, our hobbies, our friends. Would we get enough sleep? Would we ever have time to ourselves again?
A friend loaned me a copy of Babywise and I was immediately intrigued. It was unlike anything I had ever read before. After all, who wouldn’t want a baby who sleeps through the night at 6-8 weeks? Who wouldn’t want a child who is obedient, respectful and fits right in to the parent’s schedule?
What Babywise and Ezzo Believe
Babywise is more than a book, it is an entire parenting philosophy.
Babywise says (among other things):
1. Babies should eat no more than every 3-4 hours. http://www.ezzo.info/Aney/aapmediaalert.pdf
2. Babies should be sleeping through the night at 6-8 weeks
http://www.mothering.com/articles/new_baby/bonding/connection.html
3. Holding a baby too much, and attending to a baby when it cries, will spoil it. http://www.ezzo.info/Articles/tyler.htm
There are many more, but since these are the ones that affected my family, I’ll stop there.
The core belief of Ezzo and Babywise is:
You are controlling your child or your child is controlling you. The parent-child relationship is either “child-centered” or “parent-centered”.
Babywise tends to see typically non-control issues or behaviors as means to manipulation. The book tries to steer parents clear of using any maternal or parental instincts and to instead focus on the techniques of the book.
With every stroke of the pen, Ezzo strives to remind parents that they must not “give in” to their babies. Otherwise they will forever be “subject” to their children. He encourages parents to exert control of their babies by placing them on strict schedules.
Babywise leaves very little room for individualism. It seems to forget that babies are human beings, not robots waiting to be programmed.
How This Effected Us
Life with our newborn son was very difficult. He didn’t sleep well. He ate often and was very leisurely when he did eat. He was constantly fussy and crying and wanting to be held.
In my Amazon.com review I stated that we were ALMOST sucked in by Babywise, but looking back, we were very much sucked in. My whole thought pattern and outlook was affected by this book.
Every time my son would cry to be held I would worry that he was manipulating me. I felt tremendous anxiety every time I “gave in” and held or nursed him. In short, I felt like a failure as a parent.
I was worried about how my inability to control him would affect him as a child/adolescent/adult. Was I ruining my baby?
I hated how weak I was. I hated to admit how much his crying affected me – tugged at my heartstrings. According to the book, I had to be strong and just do what was best for my child. Why was I having such a hard time with this? Didn’t I want to be a good parent? Didn’t I want a well-behaved baby?
While I didn't put my son on the strict feeding schedule that the book recommends, I did give him a pacifier in order to try and stretch the time between feedings, instead of simply feeding him when he was hungry. I lamented the fact that my son was so "needy".
The final straw came when my son was a few months old. Exhausted and riddled with guilt at how weak-willed I was, I decided it was time for my son to sleep through the night. I placed him in his crib and walked away.
I could hear his screams from my bedroom down the hall. I sat looking at the clock, each moment feeling like an eternity. I watched the time tick by.
Occasionally, I would go to my son and try to comfort him. He would have none of it. He wanted his mother. His screaming didn’t quiet.
I found myself crying along with him, sobbing on the floor of his nursery. After over an hour my heart finally won out.
I stopped crying. I walked over to the crib and lifted my precious son into my arms. Then we walked out of the nursery and away from Babywise.
Still Struggling
I wish I could say it was as easy as that to rid myself of Babywise. Unfortunately, it took a long time to completely change my way of thinking. I had to do a lot more researching and soul searching. I had to change the way I thought of my son and how I viewed our relationship.
A blessed friend of mine gently suggested I research Ezzo and Babywise. I did so and was completely appalled at what I found. I felt sick to my stomach as I spent day after day reviewing first-hand testimonies and medical advice against Gary Ezzo and his Babywise techniques.
Blessings
We found out that our son was suffering from a dairy allergy and reflux. Once these issues were addressed, life got much easier. I truly feel that Babywise was a roadblock to my son being diagnosed with these problems earlier in his young life. We were so worried he was trying to “manipulate” us, we weren’t thinking clearly.
Freedom from the Ezzo way of thinking has been hard-won. But I can honestly say it was worth it.
I no longer feel anxiety about my parenting. I know I don’t have it all figured out, and that’s okay. Nobody does. I now know that parenting must involve the heart and instincts as well as the head. That has made all the difference in the world.
I truly, honestly enjoy our son now. I hold him when he wants to be held, play with him when he wants to play, feed him when he wants to eat.
Parenting is everything we thought it would be. It’s exhausting. It’s messy. Our schedule is chaos with mayhem thrown in.
And we cherish every moment of it.
Links and A Final Thought
For more info on the Babywise/Ezzo controversy:
www.ezzo.info
www.awareparent.net
http://christinemoers.blogspot.com/
http://www.tulipgirl.com/
http://www.tulsakids.com/july-1.html
http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/baby/babysleep/8369.html
http://ourworld.cs.com/kent1750/GKGW/complete.htm?f=fs
http://www.rapidnet.com/~jbeard/bdm/exposes/ezzo/ezzokids.htm
www.yellowroseblog.com
or simply type ‘ezzo’ in the google search
I know that not everyone wishes (or is able) to parent the way we feel led (attachment parenting). I simply wish to encourage parents to do their research so that they can make well-educated decisions. It’s something every child deserves.
This story is a hard one for me to write. We have friends who have used the book and I don’t want to hurt the feelings of anyone we love. And there is my pride, too.
A common argument of a pro-Babywise, pro-Ezzo supporter is:
“This book worked great for us! Anyone who has a problem with it didn’t read it correctly/didn’t follow it closely enough/followed it too closely.
Of course, statements like these imply that negative experiences happen only to the naïve or stupid. How could I have been so blind? I have struggled with that for a while now.
Before our son was born, my husband and I researched many aspects of childbirth and childcare. We were proud of how hard we worked to gather information in order to make sound, educated decisions.
We discussed vaccinations, circumcision, natural childbirth, co-sleeping, breastfeeding, and much, much more. We felt well-informed and secure in our research and the decision-making we had done.
Fears and Doubts
Like most parents-to-be, we were anxious about how this new little person would change our lives. We worried about our schedules, our hobbies, our friends. Would we get enough sleep? Would we ever have time to ourselves again?
A friend loaned me a copy of Babywise and I was immediately intrigued. It was unlike anything I had ever read before. After all, who wouldn’t want a baby who sleeps through the night at 6-8 weeks? Who wouldn’t want a child who is obedient, respectful and fits right in to the parent’s schedule?
What Babywise and Ezzo Believe
Babywise is more than a book, it is an entire parenting philosophy.
Babywise says (among other things):
1. Babies should eat no more than every 3-4 hours. http://www.ezzo.info/Aney/aapmediaalert.pdf
2. Babies should be sleeping through the night at 6-8 weeks
http://www.mothering.com/articles/new_baby/bonding/connection.html
3. Holding a baby too much, and attending to a baby when it cries, will spoil it. http://www.ezzo.info/Articles/tyler.htm
There are many more, but since these are the ones that affected my family, I’ll stop there.
The core belief of Ezzo and Babywise is:
You are controlling your child or your child is controlling you. The parent-child relationship is either “child-centered” or “parent-centered”.
Babywise tends to see typically non-control issues or behaviors as means to manipulation. The book tries to steer parents clear of using any maternal or parental instincts and to instead focus on the techniques of the book.
With every stroke of the pen, Ezzo strives to remind parents that they must not “give in” to their babies. Otherwise they will forever be “subject” to their children. He encourages parents to exert control of their babies by placing them on strict schedules.
Babywise leaves very little room for individualism. It seems to forget that babies are human beings, not robots waiting to be programmed.
How This Effected Us
Life with our newborn son was very difficult. He didn’t sleep well. He ate often and was very leisurely when he did eat. He was constantly fussy and crying and wanting to be held.
In my Amazon.com review I stated that we were ALMOST sucked in by Babywise, but looking back, we were very much sucked in. My whole thought pattern and outlook was affected by this book.
Every time my son would cry to be held I would worry that he was manipulating me. I felt tremendous anxiety every time I “gave in” and held or nursed him. In short, I felt like a failure as a parent.
I was worried about how my inability to control him would affect him as a child/adolescent/adult. Was I ruining my baby?
I hated how weak I was. I hated to admit how much his crying affected me – tugged at my heartstrings. According to the book, I had to be strong and just do what was best for my child. Why was I having such a hard time with this? Didn’t I want to be a good parent? Didn’t I want a well-behaved baby?
While I didn't put my son on the strict feeding schedule that the book recommends, I did give him a pacifier in order to try and stretch the time between feedings, instead of simply feeding him when he was hungry. I lamented the fact that my son was so "needy".
The final straw came when my son was a few months old. Exhausted and riddled with guilt at how weak-willed I was, I decided it was time for my son to sleep through the night. I placed him in his crib and walked away.
I could hear his screams from my bedroom down the hall. I sat looking at the clock, each moment feeling like an eternity. I watched the time tick by.
Occasionally, I would go to my son and try to comfort him. He would have none of it. He wanted his mother. His screaming didn’t quiet.
I found myself crying along with him, sobbing on the floor of his nursery. After over an hour my heart finally won out.
I stopped crying. I walked over to the crib and lifted my precious son into my arms. Then we walked out of the nursery and away from Babywise.
Still Struggling
I wish I could say it was as easy as that to rid myself of Babywise. Unfortunately, it took a long time to completely change my way of thinking. I had to do a lot more researching and soul searching. I had to change the way I thought of my son and how I viewed our relationship.
A blessed friend of mine gently suggested I research Ezzo and Babywise. I did so and was completely appalled at what I found. I felt sick to my stomach as I spent day after day reviewing first-hand testimonies and medical advice against Gary Ezzo and his Babywise techniques.
Blessings
We found out that our son was suffering from a dairy allergy and reflux. Once these issues were addressed, life got much easier. I truly feel that Babywise was a roadblock to my son being diagnosed with these problems earlier in his young life. We were so worried he was trying to “manipulate” us, we weren’t thinking clearly.
Freedom from the Ezzo way of thinking has been hard-won. But I can honestly say it was worth it.
I no longer feel anxiety about my parenting. I know I don’t have it all figured out, and that’s okay. Nobody does. I now know that parenting must involve the heart and instincts as well as the head. That has made all the difference in the world.
I truly, honestly enjoy our son now. I hold him when he wants to be held, play with him when he wants to play, feed him when he wants to eat.
Parenting is everything we thought it would be. It’s exhausting. It’s messy. Our schedule is chaos with mayhem thrown in.
And we cherish every moment of it.
Links and A Final Thought
For more info on the Babywise/Ezzo controversy:
www.ezzo.info
www.awareparent.net
http://christinemoers.blogspot.com/
http://www.tulipgirl.com/
http://www.tulsakids.com/july-1.html
http://www.babycenter.com/refcap/baby/babysleep/8369.html
http://ourworld.cs.com/kent1750/GKGW/complete.htm?f=fs
http://www.rapidnet.com/~jbeard/bdm/exposes/ezzo/ezzokids.htm
www.yellowroseblog.com
or simply type ‘ezzo’ in the google search
I know that not everyone wishes (or is able) to parent the way we feel led (attachment parenting). I simply wish to encourage parents to do their research so that they can make well-educated decisions. It’s something every child deserves.
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